On the Homefront

I've been thinking about something my pastor said to our congregation recently about service: "You have no business getting on a plane to serve in another country if you can't walk across the street." He was referring to those who are willing to do something "big" for those they may not know, but are unwilling to reach out, even in a small way, to someone you already know.

To extend this idea, do you ever treat people outside your family with more kindness and respect than in your own home? I've certainly fallen into this trap. We often save our "worst selves" for those closest to us. In that case, we have no business walking across the street to serve if we can't do the same within the four walls of our home.

Part of the temptation of doing good for others while ignoring the needs of loved ones is receiving public accolades. Doesn't it feel great to hear how kind and wonderful you are?! Seeking personal glorification is a sure sign your heart is in the wrong place. There are people in your life right now, within your circle of influence, who could benefit from your loving attention. It may be a conversation, opening a door, extending a compliment, completing a task, or making an anonymous donation. Look around. Who needs your kindness today?

Reality Check

I grew up in the great outdoors of the Pacific Northwest and returning to nature remains my favorite activity. A walk in the woods never fails to remind me of the core, consistent life lessons that nature provides. This summer, the Canadian Rockies served as my classroom.

Taking a break from biking to straddle the Great Divide between British Columbia and Alberta, Canada. Lesson: Closing the gap between any divide in life starts by taking one step.

 I didn't go it alone - my family joined six other families from all over the country on a "deluxe" camping trip designed by Backroads.  (Deluxe means they pitch your tent, cook for you, and give you a ride if you are too tired to hike or bike - the only way to camp!)

Lake Louise, Banff, CA National Park. Lesson: Humility.

The week's weather forecast called for sunshine and warm temperatures. What a surprise when we endured unrelenting downpours, thunderstorms, and hail! Isn't life like that? We expect one thing and many times get another. During one four hour hike into the mountains above Lake Louise, we started with sunshine and it quickly turned to hail. A reminder that change is constant. It doesn't matter what we want to happen. How well are we equipped to deal with the reality of what is in front of us? That's the difference between resiliency and being stuck.

View of Lake Louise after hiking two hours. Lesson: Change is constant.

Soaking wet after hiking through sun, rain, lightening, and hail. Lesson: Uncomfortable is not unbearable.

The biking portion included options of up to 40 miles per day, and the guides were clear: there will be hills! Just like life - not all of it is a flat, easy ride. But, by being willing to exert some energy, I proved to myself that I can navigate the ups and downs.

Taking a break after biking one very long hill! My reward was seeing FOUR black bears in the span of one hour. Lesson: Be patient.

Despite the weather challenges, there were plenty of blue skies, singing around campfires, and instant bonding between all the kids on the trip. Without any electronics (and no cell phone reception) the kids passed every evening by playing flash light tag and hide-and-seek. I was able to connect and hear the stories of my fellow travelers. Being in nature has a way of slowing everything down.

Scaling my first glacier! Later the same day, I went white water rafting on a river created by glacier run off. Lesson: Everything is connected.

It always amazes me how nature is one endless loop. One thing affects the other and all are perfectly created to work together. As an extension of nature, that means that every thought, intention, and action I have causes a ripple effect. Nothing we do can truly be in isolation.

Kids Today...

Finish the sentence, "Kids today are..." The list of complaints I hear often include, "rude, greedy, lazy, entitled." The reasons I hear for these complaints are mainly about society, technology, and media.
Each generation of adults seems to believe the current crop of kids are ill-behaved compared to when they were young.

This is how I finish the sentence: Kids today are the same. They want to know they are loved and valued. They seek your approval and desire to see your eyes light up when they enter the room. Kids want to know they are worthy because they exist and not based on performance. They will respond and adapt to the boundaries, values, direction, and lessons you give them. They need you to be consistent, fair, and firm. They want you to be a parent, and not a friend. Kids today are the same as they've always been.

Maybe we should change the sentence to, "Parents today are..."

When Bad Things Happen to Good People

There are many questions yet to be answered in the high school shooting that took place today in Chardon, OH (about 30 minutes from where I live). But one question I hear from clients often, no matter where the tragedy occurs is, "How can God let this happen?" I don't consider myself especially skilled to answer such a monumental and important question, but I can share with you what conclusions I've seen many people reach, sometimes years after their personal struggles.

1) When you're stripped of everything and reminded of the fragility of life, you appreciate it and the people you love more. If you thought of your loved ones today, shared loving words, or cherished the gift of life just a little bit more today, why didn't you do it yesterday? Suffering makes us aware of what we take for granted.

2) If you said a prayer today (or any other day of tragedy), when is the last time you prayed? Do you only seek help in crisis and expect miracles according to your agenda, or do you seek a two-way relationship with daily guidance and dependance in all decisions? Tragedy reminds us of our limited control.

3) If you struggle to answer why innocent people suffer, perhaps it will be more helpful to change the question to, what am I to do with this suffering? For every tragedy, lessons wait to be learned. How have you personally grown from your sufferings? The purpose of death is to teach us how to live.

Recommended Reading: When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Harold S. Kushner.

Big Bang Theory

No problem ever starts at BIG. Whether it's the economy crashing, relationship failing, self-esteem dropping, weight increasing, or getting fired - every problem starts small. Your job is to pay attention to the hints. If you don't the warning signs will get bigger until they have your attention. What do you need to start paying attention to today?

Staying Down

Cleveland temperatures warmed up yesterday, so I ventured outdoors for my morning run. As careful as I thought I was being, I hit black ice anyway and went down hard! Perhaps you've had one of those falls where just a second ago you were up, and just like that, you're down, without a clue what happened between here and there. My first instinct was to get back up again as quickly as possible. Perhaps I was nervous someone would see my embarrassing predicament? Well, of course, I went right back down again!

It occurred to me the second time around that sometimes in life, there's value in staying down. When we stumble, it's for a reason. Getting up too quickly and forging ahead without examining the cause for our fall will lead us right back down again, eventually.

Life is an "And"

Since the passing of Joe Paterno, much has been said about his life and legacy. Most of the discussion centers around whether the choices he made near the end of his career overshadow the reputation he had spent a lifetime building. In other words, was he good or bad? Without having ever met the man, I can say without a doubt that he was both. I say that because he's human, and just like the rest of us, Paterno's life was an "And."

Each and every one of us is capable of making both good and bad choices. Our hearts are capable are expressing both love and hate - sometimes for the same person. At any moment, each of us is only two or three decisions away from ruining our lives. Human beings are complex and vulnerable. It's unfair to categorize anyone as "either, or."

Perceiving someone as all bad takes away our compassion and hope for redemption or forgiveness. Assuming someone is all good will eventually lead to disappointment because people will fail us. Putting people on a pedestal only makes the fall greater and makes it harder for them to admit mistakes.

The purpose of death is to remind us how to live. Without judgment, what lessons can you take away from Paterno's death to apply to your own life? Do you have reasonable expectations of people? Do you need to reconcile a relationship? Are you living a truthful life? If you were to die today, would you be proud of the choices you're currently making? Let Paterno's legacy be that his conduct made us think about our own.