FOCUS ON THIS

For readers of my Communication Tip Sheet, scroll down for the debrief:

What you focus on expands. This is especially apparent when we’re upset with someone. It’s as if we put on glasses that filter out everything but annoying traits that we compile to make our (distorted) case.

Instead, what would happen if we focused on what’s going right, or solutions versus problems? This does not mean problems should be ignored. It’s important we acknowledge situations that need to be changed. But, the only way change comes is by focusing on it.

We are constantly blocking out helpful information because we are so focused on supporting our pre-determined story. Test yourself. Watch this video of students playing basketball and count the number of times the white-shirt team passes the ball. IMPORTANT: Watch the video before reading any further!

DEBRIEF: When you were busy counting the number of passes, did you notice the person dressed in a gorilla suit enter the picture? After beating his chest several times, he exits. If you did, congratulations! Most people miss the whole thing.

If right now you're saying, "What gorilla?" Watch it again! Then look around. What else might you be missing?

LESSONS FROM THE GRAND CANYON

The searing pain inmy calves should disappear in a few more days, but my memories of hiking the Grand Canyon will last a lifetime. What an awesome, inspiring trip! The scenery was breathtaking, but I was just as inspired by the company of the three women who hiked with me ranging in age from 53-34. Three of us are moms and one of them, Jen, is pregnant with her fourth! (Yes, she had doctor approval.)


At times, I laughed so hard I peed my pants, which is not good when there's no bathrooms for the next five miles. We laughed at jokes that couldn't possibly translate to anyone but us as we found out when we tried to explain them to our significant others. Finally, we settled on, "You had to be there." This is how a deep sense of bonding is created. We physically and mentally conquered something together. That feeling comes anytime we can "get to the other side" of a challenge with someone, even when it's a rough patch in a relationship.


The trip meant something different to each of us. I've been in a playgroup with Kathy (far right) since our kids were two years old. When I asked her why she wanted to hike the Grand Canyon she told me she had nothing to prove. "I knew I could do it, that wasn't it. I just wanted to find out what would happen when I did." That's Kathy, ever curious! So, what happened? "It hurt!"

Jen (far left) is Kathy's cousin and I will be always be thankful for her for making us slow down, stop, and take pictures. She would stop and say, "Look! Are you appreciating this? We came down from there!" In addition to keeping us entertained with wacky family stories, she also put the trip in perspective: "On other vacations I get home and return to the grind immediately. This time, when I feel like complaining about holding everyone's coat, or when I'm tired from wiping noses, I'll always know that I made it down to the canyon and back, and nothing could ever be that challenging."

Andrea and I have been friends ever since meeting at a writer's workshop seven years ago. Just like a great writer, her answer about the trip's significance was succinct: "It reminds me how capable I am." We all felt that way after making it across the suspension bridge, crossing the Colorado river, one mile to go before reaching Phantom Ranch.

I lost my mother to a debilitating stroke when I was 12-years-old. I learned the hard way that time stands still for no one. For me, this trip reminds me simply that I am alive.