GIRLS ON THE RUN!

Susan with her daughter, Gabby before the race and with the team after finishing!

"I did it!" That's what 10-year-old Juli shouted as she crossed the finish line of her first 5K (3.1 miles.) I don't know who was prouder of her accomplishments - Juli, her parents, or me -her coach.

Ten weeks ago, I began training nine 5th grade girls twice a week as part of a national program called Girls on the Run. The program teaches girls about healthy body image, choices, and self-esteem through running. We were joined by about 200 other girls from local communities who also took part in the program.

When we first began, my girls could barely get through a mile without huffing and puffing. To watch them cross the finish line in Cleveland's Fall Classic was a total thrill for me. Girls who barely said a word for the first five weeks of training were giving high fives and cheering each other on. Their faces were shining and their eyes brimming with confidence. It just goes to show you what good it does to give ourselves goals we're not quite sure we can achieve, until we do.

PLEASE ACCEPT THIS GIFT

The Halloween candy hasn't had a chance to go stale and the Christmas decorations are up! Wow, this year has been long is some ways and fast in others. The economy has affected many of you, I know. Businesses every where took a hit, yet we're still plugging along.

I want to give a sincere thank you to all of you who have continued to do business with me in one way or another through this time. Some of you have personally called me to let me know that when business picks up again, you will use my services. Now that's loyalty! Thank you.

If you are wanting to thank others who have continued to do business with you, I want to help. Tips booklets are a valuable yet economical way give a personalized gift. A perfect topic for just about every one at this time of year is Building Resiliency. Or perhaps other topics such as Positive First Impression, Dealing with Difficult People, or Secrets of Successful Presentations better suit your needs.

By ordering ten or more, the price drops to just $2.50 each. There's room on the cover or inside to add a personalized sticker or note. And, here's the best part. As my gift to you, for every ten you order, I will give you two more for free! Just place your order through my website, then send me an email mentioning my blog offer, and I'll make sure you receive your bonus booklets.

Thanks to all, and I hope this helps makes the end of the year a little bit easier for you!

POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT

This video is a great example of changing behavior by reinforcing positive habits. What effect do you think this would have on health care reform?

Check it out here!

DOING THE LUCY WIGGLE

Okay, here's where I eat my words! (Or, I learn not to post declarations that will burn me later). Here's the very short story of how within two months, I went from, "We are not getting a dog," to owning a dog.

We met Lucy. End of story.

Lucy came into our lives as a foster dog. She had been abused by her former owner, needed medicine for her liver disease, and a lot of attention. We could barely find her eyes because her fur was so long and matted. However, we quickly learned which end was what when she performed the "Lucy Wiggle." That's the unbelievably overjoyed, ecstatically happy dance she performs every time you enter the room - even if you were just there two minutes ago. Now, our whole family does the Lucy Wiggle. It's a great stress reliever, really.

After nursing Lucy back to health, we turned her back into the shelter so she could be adopted, just like we had agreed. Then we went on our summer vacation and my daughter cried every day. We all missed her. Halfway through vacation, the Animal Protective League of Cleveland called to tell us that past adoption efforts had failed and Lucy was ours if we wanted her.

Lucy has embedded herself into our hearts, and taught me a lesson about speaking in extremes. Here she is - before and after grooming:

Lucy is a Yorkie-Poo combo. Here she is just before getting groomed.















Wow! Let's all do the Lucy Wiggle!

My daughter and Lucy both found a spot of sunshine streaming through our front door to share an afternoon nap.

When I spotted this scene, I knew without a doubt that we had made the right choice.

SANDY & ME

You may be familiar with the book, Marley & Me about a lovable yet out-of-control lab and the family that adopted him. Their story spanned years. My story takes place in two weeks because frankly, it's all I can take.


Meet Sandy, a lovable yet completely out-of-control lab mutt. Our family is fostering her through the Cleveland Animal Protective League where we are weekly volunteers. Sandy has mange (skin disease) and is staying with us temporarily until she heals. Our daughter, like most kids, was convinced she wanted a dog. This experience has taught her that what she really wanted was a trained dog, and preferably one that does need to go out at 6:00 a.m.

Sandy has an affinity for chasing birds, frogs, rabbits, deer, dogs, people and cars. She chewed through her harness, urinated on my carpet, put a 6-inch tear in the kitchen linoleum and taught us a lot about dealing with difficult behaviors.

Just like a lot of difficult people, Sandy appeared well-behaved at first. Then slowly, her true personality appeared. She bit me several times. I'm sure she'd justify it as "just playing" but the scars and bruises on my forearms tell a different story. (If she was a difficult person, she might accuse me of being too sensitive.)

Sandy on a rabbit hunt

For all her challenging qualities, Sandy has a lot of redeeming ones too. Besides being cute, she made my daughter realize she didn't want to be a dog owner after all. And, after walking Sandy three times a day, I'm sporting some pretty impressive biceps!

My daughter learning the realities of owning a dog!

COLLEGE GRADUATION RATES EARNS "F"

They may be called Four-Year Universities, but the reality is we should call them Six Years or Longer. A new study conducted by The American Enterprise Institute compared federally reported graduation rates at 1,385 schools. They found that only 53.7 percent of first-time, full-time students enrolled in the fall of 2001 graduated from the same institution in 2007.
The study does not account for students who transfer, nor does it suggest why students drop out or offer solutions.

Having worked in a college setting for two years, I can tell you that one reason students drop out or transfer is because of social difficulties. So much emphasis is placed on getting academically prepared, and that's definitely important. But, many students sink or swim based on making friends and getting along with roommates. Transferring schools is costly, both financially and in terms of lost time.

If you're the parent or grandparent of a soon-to-be college freshman, please encourage him or her to think about how conflicts with roommates will be solved. Most say they'll "deal with it if it happens." They have no plan and no conflict resolution skills. If that's the case, clean out your basement. Your kid may be coming home!

I just updated my survival guide for managing such situations called My Roommate Is Driving Me Crazy! It offers over 250 conversation starters and solutions for solving roommate difficulties. These are skills everyone needs, no matter how long it takes to graduate! You can purchase it by clicking on the link above. It comes in two versions, hard copy or e-book. Include a copy as a gift when you're packing sheets and toilet paper - it'll come in just as handy!

FUN IN ANY LANGUAGE

Thank goodness for Dora the Explorer! Parents may be familiar with the children's TV show that features a bilingual kindergartner who explores the jungles of Costa Rica with a map, backpack, compass, and friendly monkey. It's also helpful for adults who never learned a foreign language and will spend a week living with a family that speaks no English.

I'm embarrassed to say that the only Spanish I know came from watching that show with my daughter five years ago. Even so, our "voluntoursim" (volunteer + tourism) adventure in Costa Rica was a great success! We worked for Proyecto Asis, a wildlife refuge in San Carlos and lived with host family. In between, we experienced other parts of Costa Rica including ziplining and white water rafting.

For me, the best part was total cultural immersion with the host family. Somehow, we found a way to communicate in a mutual language that involved a lot of acting out of words. We learned that both families knew how to play the same card games, and spent our nights around the kitchen table playing Gin Rummy. While we were there life happend: a neighbor died and we celebrated my birthday. Anybody can experience the same tourist traps in a city, but those moments with our family were totally unique to us and cannot be duplicated. If you and your family think you might like to take a similar trip, check out Tropical Adventures.

Here are a few of the highlights of our trip:
We spent one night way up in the trees at the Tree House Resort. What an awesome experience to wake up surrounded by the tops of trees and a symphony of birds.

My daughter, Gabrielle with our host family's children and cousin as they headed off for school.

That's me ziplining in the jungle. Did you hear me scream?

My daughter, Gabrielle feeding a Kinkajou at the Wildlife Refuge.

Well, someone has to clean the cage of Perla, a white-lipped pecary!

Cooling off with a little white water rafting. I'm in front on the right, and my daughter is in the back - she held her own!

I can't think of a better way to have spent my 45th birthday! What a gift it was to experience the generosity of this family.

RIDING THE WAVES!

Just had to post this photo from my visit to the U.S. National Whitewater Center in Charlotte, North Carolina. That's me in front, on the left. What an awesome time I had at this facility! Just before this photo was taken, I rode my first 1,000 foot zip line (and screamed the whole way!). I had never white water rafted before either, so I was plenty nervous.

What I love about this photo are the expressions on each woman's face. Pure exhilaration. Pure joy! It is a reminder to me how important it is to live in moment, even during turbulent times. It's still possible, and actually necessary to have a little fun.

RELATIONAL AGGRESSION TIPS FOR GIRLS AND PARENTS

On Saturday March 21st, the Cleveland Plain Dealer is planning to run a story by reporter Sarah Crump on relational aggression. I've emailed and spoken with Sarah several times and it appears she will be writing a very well-researched and helpful piece.

At the time the story comes out, I will be attending the American Counseling Association conference, after having spoken at the Tri-State Camping Conference on this very issue. For parents whose girls attend camp, you know that the same issues can take place there too. Just in case parents may be searching for additional information, I wanted to post some tips I shared with Sarah Crump and offer other resources.

First, for girls who are being targeted, here are some tips:

• Determine what you control. You have no control over other people and circumstances. But, you have full control of how you respond. Your response can influence any situation therefore you’re not helpless.

• Choose your response. If another girl is being mean to you, there are four ways to respond: ignore her, be mean back, talk to her face-to-face, or tell an adult. While I'm not encouraging being mean back, I'm being honest in saying that it is an option. Most likely, you've already tried it. Now, it's time to honestly assess the best choice.

• Know the pros and cons. Ignoring a situation may work, but if things continue or get worse, it’s time for another response.

Being mean back may feel good in the moment, but it can also escalate bad feelings. Is it worth it?

Talking face-to-face can increase understanding but doesn’t guarantee cooperation or an apology.

If you’re feeling stuck, the situation is rapidly growing worse, or someone is in danger of being harmed, it’s time to ask an adult for help. Specify the help you want, especially if you fear the adult will take over.

• Express your stress. We make better decisions when we’re calm. Manage your stress daily through exercise, pursuing hobbies, journaling, talking to a trusted adult, prayer or meditation.

• Expand your friendships. Develop new friendships so that you’re not relying on one person. Measure healthy friendships by asking yourself, “After I spend time with this friend, how do I feel about myself?” If the answer isn’t positive, neither is the friendship.

Parents, if your daughter is a target of relational aggression, here are ways you can support her:

• Listen with empathy. Allow your daughter to describe her situation and express her feelings without interrupting, correcting, or minimizing. She needs to feel heard and at the same time, talking out loud helps her understand herself.

• Coach, don’t solve. Avoid taking over. Help your daughter sort through her options, but be careful about solving her problems. This is her chance to learn valuable conflict resolution skills.

• Skip empty platitudes. Telling girls, “Just ignore it,” or “That’s just how girls are,” leaves them feeling minimized and hopeless.

• Ask empowering questions. After your daughter explains her situation ask her, “What do want to do about this?” Help her weigh the pros and cons of her response. Ask her, “What part of this situation do you feel you can control?” to help her set reasonable expectations.

• Support healthy coping skills. Help your daughter develop healthy ways to manage stress such as exercise, hobbies, journaling, volunteering, faith, and expanding social connections.

I've posted a few videos on YouTube that you may find helpful. Also, check out my website for my E-Seminar BFF! (Except When We're Not): A Parent's Guide to Helping Girls Develop Healthy Friendships.

Finally, if you or your daughter would like to see me for counseling, please contact Lakeshore Educational & Counseling Services at 800-600-5327.

STAND OUT IN JOB INTERVIEWS

The current economy is causing many people to brush up on their job interview skills. As you know, in a competitive marketplace, you're lucky to even land an interview. If you do, you certainly want to make a strong, positive impression. Here are five interview tips from my appearance on WKYC's Good Company (watch video).

1. Be consistent. Know how you want to come across and communicate that message consistently in every aspect of your communication. Consider your online social networking, how you answer the phone, voice mail message, ring tone, email signature, and of course how you communicate in person. You are always "on." Your job may not come from the interview, but from someone who you meet socially. Project a professional image in all circumstances.

2. Develop a five-point agenda. Based on the needs of the position, develop five strong talking points that you can support with specific examples that clearly illustrate why you are a good match. If you're going for a sales position, scan your personal history for examples of working with tough customers or winning over big sales. Supporting your strengths with a story makes you memorable and demonstrates proof of your skills.

3. Tell your story in 60-seconds or less. Be able to tell the above agenda points briefly! Attention-span is short and you must be compelling. Practice delivering your stories out loud. The last thing you want to do is ramble.

4. Focus on benefits. How will you benefit this company? People often make the mistake of saying why the job would be good for them, not the other way around. If you can't say how you could benefit the company or organization, don't bother interviewing.

5. Send a handwritten thank you note. Want to really stand out? Send an "old-fashioned" handwritten thank you note to the interviewer and the receptionist. Offer specific details from the conversation and recap. Why the receptionist? Because that person's opinion of you matters a great deal. If you were rude or unprofessional with him or her, then turned it on with the interviewer, the receptionist will often share this observation. Of course, check the spelling of names. One misspelling can ruin the whole effect!

Find more tips in my booklet, Positive First Impressions: 83 Ways to Establish Confidence, Competence, and Trust.

CALL TO SERVICE

Change has come to America, but what about you? In his inaugural address, President Obama challenged Americans to roll up our sleeves and get to work in the name of service. Every where I go, I'm hearing people talk excitedly about how they'd like to contribute. They want to do something. What about you?

There are so many worthy projects, so many needs here and worldwide, that I think some people don't know where to start. The problems are so overwhelming, so instead, we do nothing.

If that's you, I'd like to add my own challenge: Start to make positive changes in your own circle of friends and family. I'm not talking about charity, but making connections, doing good deeds, and offering kind words. What if we just concentrated on being better spouses, parents, co-workers, and neighbors? I'm convinced that the change we're all looking for will come from within and move to larger circles. It's hard to serve large, nationwide projects when we don't serve the people in our own home and community.

So start to make that change, but start small, and keep at it until you've got it. The pay-it-forward method of service may not seem as glamorous as flying to a third world country, but I guarantee you it's a long-term investment with lasting benefits!