Back to School: Are Your Kids Ready?

If you've been shopping lately, you've seen the advertising reminders that kids will be headed back to school soon. While it may feel too early to think about school supplies, it's not too soon for parents to think about preparing their kids socially and emotionally for the transition into the new school year.

In my counseling practice, I see a lot of adolescents and young adults. Typically, it's the same three issues that trip kids up four-six weeks into the school year: stress management, conflict resolution, and relationships. With that in mind, here's how parents can start preparing students now for a successful school year.

Stress Management

Depending on what your kids have been doing all summer, it can be tough to transition into the demands of a school schedule, particularly if they have been sleeping until noon everyday. I see a lot of kids become overwhelmed trying to balancing homework, projects, and extracurricular activities.

One of the best things parents can do to help their kids manage stress is to manage it well yourself. Kids tend to reflect their parent's methods, so what are you showing them? Help kids recognize the signs of stress and prepare a handful of ways they can relax such as exercise, listening to music, reading, playing with a pet, talking with a trusted friend, journaling, or artwork. If you can teach them to express their emotions in a healthy way, it reduces blow ups and melt downs.

Above all, encourage kids to get moving on a daily basis. They don't have to be in an organized sport, but physical activity is the surest way to release stress. Help them find something they can do no matter the weather.

Conflict Resolution

Encouraging kids to address misunderstandings early, respectfully, and face-to-face (versus online) is a life-long skill. It takes practice to learn how to listen, express hurt feelings, show empathy, and find the right words to respond. Solving an issue for your kids may temporarily stop the pain, but only makes the next conflict more overwhelming.

Start by modeling healthy conflict resolution in your household. Slamming doors, texting wars, yelling, stomping off, and the silent treatment are all off-limits! College freshman who have yet to learn conflict resolution will most likely struggle with roommates. If that's the case, here's a resource to help them learn healthy ways to respond:

My Roommate is Driving Me Crazy!

If you have a daughter who runs into difficulty with a BFF who suddenly becomes an enemy, just remember, it's a learning experience! Teach her how to manage herself and the situation with these resources: Dealing with Mean Girls, Capable & Confident, or BFF! (Except When We're Not)
Relationships

The people we choose to surround ourselves with reflect how we feel about ourselves. Faced with the threat of being alone, many kids compromise their standards, assuming they are worthless without some sort of social connection. You cannot reinforce for your kids enough the fact that they are worthy simply because they exist! Teach them your standards for a healthy relationship (peer and dating). One good rule of a healthy relationship is monitoring how you feel about yourself after spending time with a person?

Provide a household that offers a supportive social network so that kids won't feel so alone that they make unhealthy choices. Let kids see you make new friends and honor close relationships so they have a good example. Don't force them to be "friends" with everyone as that is unrealistic. A better choice is to be respectful of all, but close to those who honor your values.

Help your kids learn skills in these three areas and everyone will have a much smoother school year!