Kids Today...

Finish the sentence, "Kids today are..." The list of complaints I hear often include, "rude, greedy, lazy, entitled." The reasons I hear for these complaints are mainly about society, technology, and media.
Each generation of adults seems to believe the current crop of kids are ill-behaved compared to when they were young.

This is how I finish the sentence: Kids today are the same. They want to know they are loved and valued. They seek your approval and desire to see your eyes light up when they enter the room. Kids want to know they are worthy because they exist and not based on performance. They will respond and adapt to the boundaries, values, direction, and lessons you give them. They need you to be consistent, fair, and firm. They want you to be a parent, and not a friend. Kids today are the same as they've always been.

Maybe we should change the sentence to, "Parents today are..."

When Bad Things Happen to Good People

There are many questions yet to be answered in the high school shooting that took place today in Chardon, OH (about 30 minutes from where I live). But one question I hear from clients often, no matter where the tragedy occurs is, "How can God let this happen?" I don't consider myself especially skilled to answer such a monumental and important question, but I can share with you what conclusions I've seen many people reach, sometimes years after their personal struggles.

1) When you're stripped of everything and reminded of the fragility of life, you appreciate it and the people you love more. If you thought of your loved ones today, shared loving words, or cherished the gift of life just a little bit more today, why didn't you do it yesterday? Suffering makes us aware of what we take for granted.

2) If you said a prayer today (or any other day of tragedy), when is the last time you prayed? Do you only seek help in crisis and expect miracles according to your agenda, or do you seek a two-way relationship with daily guidance and dependance in all decisions? Tragedy reminds us of our limited control.

3) If you struggle to answer why innocent people suffer, perhaps it will be more helpful to change the question to, what am I to do with this suffering? For every tragedy, lessons wait to be learned. How have you personally grown from your sufferings? The purpose of death is to teach us how to live.

Recommended Reading: When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Harold S. Kushner.

Big Bang Theory

No problem ever starts at BIG. Whether it's the economy crashing, relationship failing, self-esteem dropping, weight increasing, or getting fired - every problem starts small. Your job is to pay attention to the hints. If you don't the warning signs will get bigger until they have your attention. What do you need to start paying attention to today?

Staying Down

Cleveland temperatures warmed up yesterday, so I ventured outdoors for my morning run. As careful as I thought I was being, I hit black ice anyway and went down hard! Perhaps you've had one of those falls where just a second ago you were up, and just like that, you're down, without a clue what happened between here and there. My first instinct was to get back up again as quickly as possible. Perhaps I was nervous someone would see my embarrassing predicament? Well, of course, I went right back down again!

It occurred to me the second time around that sometimes in life, there's value in staying down. When we stumble, it's for a reason. Getting up too quickly and forging ahead without examining the cause for our fall will lead us right back down again, eventually.

Life is an "And"

Since the passing of Joe Paterno, much has been said about his life and legacy. Most of the discussion centers around whether the choices he made near the end of his career overshadow the reputation he had spent a lifetime building. In other words, was he good or bad? Without having ever met the man, I can say without a doubt that he was both. I say that because he's human, and just like the rest of us, Paterno's life was an "And."

Each and every one of us is capable of making both good and bad choices. Our hearts are capable are expressing both love and hate - sometimes for the same person. At any moment, each of us is only two or three decisions away from ruining our lives. Human beings are complex and vulnerable. It's unfair to categorize anyone as "either, or."

Perceiving someone as all bad takes away our compassion and hope for redemption or forgiveness. Assuming someone is all good will eventually lead to disappointment because people will fail us. Putting people on a pedestal only makes the fall greater and makes it harder for them to admit mistakes.

The purpose of death is to remind us how to live. Without judgment, what lessons can you take away from Paterno's death to apply to your own life? Do you have reasonable expectations of people? Do you need to reconcile a relationship? Are you living a truthful life? If you were to die today, would you be proud of the choices you're currently making? Let Paterno's legacy be that his conduct made us think about our own.

Be Glad that Life is Unfair

Have you ever noticed that those claiming life's unfair never make the same observation when unjustly receiving something? Shouldn't the same level of indignity be displayed at finding a coin on the sidewalk, hitting a green traffic light, speeding and not getting a ticket, all the times when you didn't catch a cold, sunshine on a day off, or having the door held open by a stranger? Why not protest then?

It seems the life-is-unfair approach to living comes with a limited perspective. In order to have it, you can only focus on times when you've been wronged. Add to that a deep sense of bitterness because everyone else is "lucky." In fact, research shows those who report the highest levels of life satisfaction have experienced the most adversity.

Life is indeed unfair and I, for one, am grateful. I have received more grace and mercy than I deserve - more than I could ever earn. How well does life treat you? It all depends on your perspective.

The Four Es of Gift Giving

If you've ever had the thrill of giving a gift to someone who was authentically touched by your efforts, you know what I mean when I say that giving the perfect gift is the best present you can receive. When I give a gift or offer an act of service, I use the Four Es as my guidelines:

1) Experience. A one-time experience creates life-long memories by engaging the recipient actively and emotionally. Experiences also extend pleasure due to planning, anticipation, and post-conversations. Many times experiences involve other people, adding to the excitement.

2) Educational. Learning something new that could improve a person's life and be shared with others is a gift without a shelf life. Who knows how many people will actually benefit? Talk about making an impact!

3) Economical. Gifts that are over-the-top elaborate and expensive come with strings attached that take away from the delight of giving and receiving. Givers who spend too much may feel stress later when the bill arrives or harbor expectations of how much the receiver should "enjoy" the gift. Instead, keep it affordable.

4) Environmental. Give gifts that will make a lasting imprint on the person, not the earth.

No matter what condition the economy is in, acts of service will always be a generous way to show how much you care. Everybody has a talent. Don't be shy about sharing yours with someone who can benefit.

If you need a gift ideas that meet the Four Es criteria, consider these from Susan Fee & Associates:

Booklets and E-booklets. Perfect size and price for business or personal gifts. Includes practical, easy-to-apply tips to reduce stress and increase skills.

E-Seminars. Wow! Talk about education at your doorstep (or rather, email in-box)! Imagine offering a 60-minute audio seminar and workbook filled with insights that can be repeatedly accessed.

Personal Coaching. Here's an experience that can't be duplicated. Do you know someone who would benefit from one-on-one face time with someone trained to offer appropriate levels of encouragement and challenge? Radical changes are the result. What an awesome way to positively influence someone's life.

DVDs. Arm your special person with tools and skills to manage life's challenges.

There you have it - gift-giving made easy! And, no calories. It doesn't get any better than that.