RIDING THE WAVES!

Just had to post this photo from my visit to the U.S. National Whitewater Center in Charlotte, North Carolina. That's me in front, on the left. What an awesome time I had at this facility! Just before this photo was taken, I rode my first 1,000 foot zip line (and screamed the whole way!). I had never white water rafted before either, so I was plenty nervous.

What I love about this photo are the expressions on each woman's face. Pure exhilaration. Pure joy! It is a reminder to me how important it is to live in moment, even during turbulent times. It's still possible, and actually necessary to have a little fun.

RELATIONAL AGGRESSION TIPS FOR GIRLS AND PARENTS

On Saturday March 21st, the Cleveland Plain Dealer is planning to run a story by reporter Sarah Crump on relational aggression. I've emailed and spoken with Sarah several times and it appears she will be writing a very well-researched and helpful piece.

At the time the story comes out, I will be attending the American Counseling Association conference, after having spoken at the Tri-State Camping Conference on this very issue. For parents whose girls attend camp, you know that the same issues can take place there too. Just in case parents may be searching for additional information, I wanted to post some tips I shared with Sarah Crump and offer other resources.

First, for girls who are being targeted, here are some tips:

• Determine what you control. You have no control over other people and circumstances. But, you have full control of how you respond. Your response can influence any situation therefore you’re not helpless.

• Choose your response. If another girl is being mean to you, there are four ways to respond: ignore her, be mean back, talk to her face-to-face, or tell an adult. While I'm not encouraging being mean back, I'm being honest in saying that it is an option. Most likely, you've already tried it. Now, it's time to honestly assess the best choice.

• Know the pros and cons. Ignoring a situation may work, but if things continue or get worse, it’s time for another response.

Being mean back may feel good in the moment, but it can also escalate bad feelings. Is it worth it?

Talking face-to-face can increase understanding but doesn’t guarantee cooperation or an apology.

If you’re feeling stuck, the situation is rapidly growing worse, or someone is in danger of being harmed, it’s time to ask an adult for help. Specify the help you want, especially if you fear the adult will take over.

• Express your stress. We make better decisions when we’re calm. Manage your stress daily through exercise, pursuing hobbies, journaling, talking to a trusted adult, prayer or meditation.

• Expand your friendships. Develop new friendships so that you’re not relying on one person. Measure healthy friendships by asking yourself, “After I spend time with this friend, how do I feel about myself?” If the answer isn’t positive, neither is the friendship.

Parents, if your daughter is a target of relational aggression, here are ways you can support her:

• Listen with empathy. Allow your daughter to describe her situation and express her feelings without interrupting, correcting, or minimizing. She needs to feel heard and at the same time, talking out loud helps her understand herself.

• Coach, don’t solve. Avoid taking over. Help your daughter sort through her options, but be careful about solving her problems. This is her chance to learn valuable conflict resolution skills.

• Skip empty platitudes. Telling girls, “Just ignore it,” or “That’s just how girls are,” leaves them feeling minimized and hopeless.

• Ask empowering questions. After your daughter explains her situation ask her, “What do want to do about this?” Help her weigh the pros and cons of her response. Ask her, “What part of this situation do you feel you can control?” to help her set reasonable expectations.

• Support healthy coping skills. Help your daughter develop healthy ways to manage stress such as exercise, hobbies, journaling, volunteering, faith, and expanding social connections.

I've posted a few videos on YouTube that you may find helpful. Also, check out my website for my E-Seminar BFF! (Except When We're Not): A Parent's Guide to Helping Girls Develop Healthy Friendships.

Finally, if you or your daughter would like to see me for counseling, please contact Lakeshore Educational & Counseling Services at 800-600-5327.

STAND OUT IN JOB INTERVIEWS

The current economy is causing many people to brush up on their job interview skills. As you know, in a competitive marketplace, you're lucky to even land an interview. If you do, you certainly want to make a strong, positive impression. Here are five interview tips from my appearance on WKYC's Good Company (watch video).

1. Be consistent. Know how you want to come across and communicate that message consistently in every aspect of your communication. Consider your online social networking, how you answer the phone, voice mail message, ring tone, email signature, and of course how you communicate in person. You are always "on." Your job may not come from the interview, but from someone who you meet socially. Project a professional image in all circumstances.

2. Develop a five-point agenda. Based on the needs of the position, develop five strong talking points that you can support with specific examples that clearly illustrate why you are a good match. If you're going for a sales position, scan your personal history for examples of working with tough customers or winning over big sales. Supporting your strengths with a story makes you memorable and demonstrates proof of your skills.

3. Tell your story in 60-seconds or less. Be able to tell the above agenda points briefly! Attention-span is short and you must be compelling. Practice delivering your stories out loud. The last thing you want to do is ramble.

4. Focus on benefits. How will you benefit this company? People often make the mistake of saying why the job would be good for them, not the other way around. If you can't say how you could benefit the company or organization, don't bother interviewing.

5. Send a handwritten thank you note. Want to really stand out? Send an "old-fashioned" handwritten thank you note to the interviewer and the receptionist. Offer specific details from the conversation and recap. Why the receptionist? Because that person's opinion of you matters a great deal. If you were rude or unprofessional with him or her, then turned it on with the interviewer, the receptionist will often share this observation. Of course, check the spelling of names. One misspelling can ruin the whole effect!

Find more tips in my booklet, Positive First Impressions: 83 Ways to Establish Confidence, Competence, and Trust.

CALL TO SERVICE

Change has come to America, but what about you? In his inaugural address, President Obama challenged Americans to roll up our sleeves and get to work in the name of service. Every where I go, I'm hearing people talk excitedly about how they'd like to contribute. They want to do something. What about you?

There are so many worthy projects, so many needs here and worldwide, that I think some people don't know where to start. The problems are so overwhelming, so instead, we do nothing.

If that's you, I'd like to add my own challenge: Start to make positive changes in your own circle of friends and family. I'm not talking about charity, but making connections, doing good deeds, and offering kind words. What if we just concentrated on being better spouses, parents, co-workers, and neighbors? I'm convinced that the change we're all looking for will come from within and move to larger circles. It's hard to serve large, nationwide projects when we don't serve the people in our own home and community.

So start to make that change, but start small, and keep at it until you've got it. The pay-it-forward method of service may not seem as glamorous as flying to a third world country, but I guarantee you it's a long-term investment with lasting benefits!

WILL POWER

I'll be filling in as co-host on my husband's Cleveland radio show this month (Q104). As much as I look forward to "playing" on the air, timing is everything. I was NOT there in November when one of my favorite actors, Will Smith, was in studio - darn!

Will Smith with Cleveland's Q104 Morning Show Host, Allan Fee

I love this guy. His appeal for me is not so much his acting, but his positive spirit. If we could catch a little of this man's positive outlook, there's nothing we couldn't accomplish! He is the epitome of high emotional intelligence. He is very aware of his likability factor, how he affects others, and how to share his contagious spirit.

But, he's not just all about positive thinking - he's a man with a plan. When it came to transitioning from a TV star to making movies, he and his agent researched the top-ten grossing movies of all time. Here's what they found:

• 10 out of 10 had special effects
• 9 out of 10 had creatures
• 8 out of 10 had a love story

So, Smith set out to make movies that included these three proven success factors. Remember, "Independence Day" and "Men in Black"? There's a huge lesson here. When it comes to the field in which you want to be a success, document what other successful people do and DO IT. Seems so simple, but I find many clients get stuck trying to recreate the wheel. Someone, somewhere has walked before you. Find the most best example you can of the success you desire and become it.

Ask yourself, how does a successful person in my field speak? Dress? Behave? Think? What habits does he have? Who does she surround herself with? What books or education does this person possess? You get the idea. This applies to anything you want to achieve: healthy relationships, weight management, personal satisfaction, or career success.

For a little added inspiration, here is one of my favorite interviews with Will Smith when Steve Kroft profiled him on 60 Minutes in 2007. Part one contains a great story about a brick wall - how would you have responded to this challenge? Part two discusses his financial blunders and subsequent rise into movie stardom.

WORKSHOPS ON DEMAND

Those who have heard me speak know that I believe conflict can foster creativity. If you never had a problem to solve, what else would inspire you to come up with new ideas? For some months I have been hearing from clients and individuals that they wanted to book or attend certain workshops of mine, but couldn't. Either I was speaking in a part of the country that required too much travel, or training budgets were too tight. I wanted to come up with a way that people who requested training could still receive it, but how?

I finally hit upon an idea that I believe is affordable and convenient. I have been busy creating a new training option I'm calling E-Seminars. Very soon you'll be able to choose from a number of my most requested topics and download the seminar right to your own computer!

E-Seminars will consist of a 60-minute podcast (MP3) and workbook (PDF) that you can download and listen to at your convenience. You'll be able to review and revisit the material at any time by saving it to your computer. And, here's the best news! Each E-Seminar is affordably priced at only $25!

The first E-Seminar to be offered will be one for parents called, BFF! (Except When We're Not). A Parent's Guide to Helping Girls to Develop Healthy Friendships. Visit my website, www.susanfee.com, for additional titles each month. If there is a particular topic you want produced as an E-Seminar, please let me know!

BAIL OUT OFFERS GOOD NEWS FOR MENTAL HEALTH!

Americans are suffering plenty of stress these days due to Wall Street's financial turmoil. It's either ironic or tremendously good timing that included in Congress' bail out package is the passing of the Mental Health Parity bill which offers the same coverage for mental health needs as medical. Talk about tenacity - it took 12 years of work to get it passed! Read more from the American Counseling Association:


"After many long years of effort, ACA and other mental health advocates have gained the enactment of strong federal mental health and addictive disorder parity legislation. On Friday, October 3rd, the House of Representatives passed a financial rescue and tax policy bill, including landmark mental health and addictive disorder parity protections.

The section of the legislation on parity--entitled the Paul Wellstone and Pete Domenici Mental Health Parity and Addiction Equity Act of 2008--will require most private sector health plans to provide insurance coverage for mental and addictive disorder services on the same terms and conditions as other types of care. The parity provisions had been included in a package of highly popular tax policy extensions approved recently by wide margins in both the House and Senate, but that had been stalled due to disagreements over the extent to which they should be paid for. The tax extenders, including the parity language, were combined with the financial rescue package passed by the Senate on Wednesday."

If you are suffering in these turbulent times, PLEASE don't hesitate to seek help from a licensed, qualified therapist. We are all working on our coping skills right now. If you have no idea where to start, always begin by taking care of yourself, then reaching out to others.

You'll find practical steps for dealing with adversity in my booklet, "Building Resiliency: 68 Coping Strategies for Surviving & Thriving During Adversity."