The latest Woman's Day magazine and AOL.com poll finds over a third (36%) of married women would not marry their husbands if they had to do it all over again, with another 20% saying they weren't sure if they would or not. The complete poll findings are highlighted in the February issue of Woman's Day magazine and online at
http://www.womansday.com/community. What do you think?
As a counselor who sees couples, I find not only the results disturbing, but the very questions themselves. Any question based on, "If I had to do it all over again.." misses the point. We cannot redo our past, but it sure is easy to romantize how much better it might've been, only if...
There's the assumption that a different partner would have changed our lives dramatically, forgetting the part that we ourselves play in our outcome.
If you are struggling in a stagnant relationship, here are more productive questions to ask: When was my relationship at its strongest and most vibrant? What's different today? What do I need to start (or stop) doing today to recreate that same connection? How can I become more responsible for the health of my current relationship? What do I need to say to my partner that would affirm him/or her and our relationship?
Relationships are hard work, no doubt. Part of the satisfaction is knowing that when times are tough you focused on solutions versus regrets.
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I met a women in 1986 married in 1988 had a butifull babby girl.She was the happyest women on earth and i was the proudest dad.Years went bye we got our dream house.Then my health began to fail my exwife never understood my health.And due to her family she never got the right advise because i dont beleave they were informed truly about my health i can never understand why she never tried to work with me we just had 2 new additons to our family.But from bitterness i think she never could admitt her feelings for me because she never understood what i was going through in my life.but from 12 years of marrage and due to my personal problems i had i never gave her the attention that she deseved from me and i think she thought i didnt love her but through the years i have to admitt my love grew for her terribly and i blew it.I never beleaved in soul mates in my life but after 2 years of devorce and my children having a hard time.And realizing my wife or ex wife isnt having fun allthe time like i though and me dateing a couple of women who just never connect i now beleave in soul mates we always beleaved in the same things rarely fought and if we did there was no phisical violence at all.And sometimes when she calls me now i feel that she is happy to hear my voice.Or sometimes when i see her i feel she is happy to see me.And the worste thing is i am as happy also but am to set in my ways to show it.I think its from some very mean things she did to me while going through devorce.And i beleave its from her showing how mad she was.Because she didnt understand my problems.If she can forget what the people who judged my problems also.And find a way to connect again it could happen with a happy ending i stay awake at nite wondering if im wrong or right but we only live this life once and if you do miss out on your soul mate would it be wrong or is there such a thing .I do love her very much.Confused
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