CHANGE YOUR LIFE IN 2008!

Are you ready to make a change in your life? Maybe you've tried before and it just didn't work. Or, you know you want to change something, but what? How?

I'll address these questions and offer specific steps you can take when I speak at the Lakeshore Professional Retreat taking place February 1 & 2 at the Embassy Suites Hotel, Independence, OH. It's two days filled with education, networking, and relaxation. Do as little or as much as you want!

On Friday night following dinner, I'll present "The Seat of Change: Making the Emotional Connection" (6:30-8:30 PM). Saturday, I'll present, "Strengths-Based Career Management" at 8:30 am AND 1:15 pm. There will be several other speakers and vendors.

For more information, prices, and registration contact Lakeshore Educational & Counseling Services at 800-600-5327.

UPCOMING MEDIA APPEARANCES!

The holiday season is upon us, and for some that means spending way too much time with annoying relatives! If that's your story, tune in Monday November 19th to Cleveland's Good Company (channel 3, 10:00-11:00 a.m.). I'll be offering survival tips on managing the pressures of extended family.

If you need more than tips and want to talk about reducing your stress levels, consider a few counseling sessions. You can make an appointment to see me in Independence by calling Lakeshore Educational & Counseling Services at 800-600-5327.

On Friday December 14th, I'll be joining my husband once again for the Q104 morning show (5:30-10:00 a.m. EST). Tune in live or online. We'd love to hear from you!

Take care,

Susan

PARENTS, ATTEND THIS FREE COLLEGE & CAREER PLANNING SEMINAR

If you're the parent of a teenager headed for college, trade school, or the military I highly suggest you attend the Parent Education Series Wednesday November 14, 7:00-9:00 PM at Cuyahoga Valley Career Center in Brecksville.

It's free, but you have to register online or by calling 440-746-8115. The organizers have a terrific line up of topics and I'll be speaking on Developing Self-Reliant Students. It's perfect for helping you and your child think ahead for those last couple years in high school and beyond.

Hope to see you there!

Susan

FOCUS ON THIS

For readers of my Communication Tip Sheet, scroll down for the debrief:

What you focus on expands. This is especially apparent when we’re upset with someone. It’s as if we put on glasses that filter out everything but annoying traits that we compile to make our (distorted) case.

Instead, what would happen if we focused on what’s going right, or solutions versus problems? This does not mean problems should be ignored. It’s important we acknowledge situations that need to be changed. But, the only way change comes is by focusing on it.

We are constantly blocking out helpful information because we are so focused on supporting our pre-determined story. Test yourself. Watch this video of students playing basketball and count the number of times the white-shirt team passes the ball. IMPORTANT: Watch the video before reading any further!

DEBRIEF: When you were busy counting the number of passes, did you notice the person dressed in a gorilla suit enter the picture? After beating his chest several times, he exits. If you did, congratulations! Most people miss the whole thing.

If right now you're saying, "What gorilla?" Watch it again! Then look around. What else might you be missing?

LESSONS FROM THE GRAND CANYON

The searing pain inmy calves should disappear in a few more days, but my memories of hiking the Grand Canyon will last a lifetime. What an awesome, inspiring trip! The scenery was breathtaking, but I was just as inspired by the company of the three women who hiked with me ranging in age from 53-34. Three of us are moms and one of them, Jen, is pregnant with her fourth! (Yes, she had doctor approval.)


At times, I laughed so hard I peed my pants, which is not good when there's no bathrooms for the next five miles. We laughed at jokes that couldn't possibly translate to anyone but us as we found out when we tried to explain them to our significant others. Finally, we settled on, "You had to be there." This is how a deep sense of bonding is created. We physically and mentally conquered something together. That feeling comes anytime we can "get to the other side" of a challenge with someone, even when it's a rough patch in a relationship.


The trip meant something different to each of us. I've been in a playgroup with Kathy (far right) since our kids were two years old. When I asked her why she wanted to hike the Grand Canyon she told me she had nothing to prove. "I knew I could do it, that wasn't it. I just wanted to find out what would happen when I did." That's Kathy, ever curious! So, what happened? "It hurt!"

Jen (far left) is Kathy's cousin and I will be always be thankful for her for making us slow down, stop, and take pictures. She would stop and say, "Look! Are you appreciating this? We came down from there!" In addition to keeping us entertained with wacky family stories, she also put the trip in perspective: "On other vacations I get home and return to the grind immediately. This time, when I feel like complaining about holding everyone's coat, or when I'm tired from wiping noses, I'll always know that I made it down to the canyon and back, and nothing could ever be that challenging."

Andrea and I have been friends ever since meeting at a writer's workshop seven years ago. Just like a great writer, her answer about the trip's significance was succinct: "It reminds me how capable I am." We all felt that way after making it across the suspension bridge, crossing the Colorado river, one mile to go before reaching Phantom Ranch.

I lost my mother to a debilitating stroke when I was 12-years-old. I learned the hard way that time stands still for no one. For me, this trip reminds me simply that I am alive.

REGISTER NOW FOR PARENTING SEMINARS

It happens like clockwork every year: School starts and about a month later the emails and calls start rolling in about Mean Girls. Friendships have already been tested, territory established, and tears shed (and that's just from the parents). If you are the parent of a daughter, you know exactly what I'm talking about. I've scheduled two workshops to help provide solutions:

Mean Girls: Helping Your Daughter Develop Positive Friendships
Tuesday October 28, 2007 6:30-8:30 PM

Full Esteem Ahead! Building and Maintaining Girls' Self-Esteem
Tuesday October 30, 2007 6:30-8:30 PM

Both workshops will be held in Independence, the same place where I will offer my program for girls ages 7-12 called Circle of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. A new session starts October 28-November 18.

For more information and to register, call Lakeshore Educational & Counseling Services at (440) 963-0402 or 800-600-5327. Space is limited, so reserve your spot now!

151 is the New 43!

YES! I DID IT! That's what I was thinking as I crossed the finish line of my first half-marathon. As a novice runner, this was a huge accomplishment for me. It was even more special to have my husband and daughter there cheering me on.

151 was my race number, and no matter what, I'll always remember crossing that finish line as one of my benchmarks for my 43rd year. Just like everyone, I experience challenges and frustrations. If I ever feel like I can't handle them, I'll have this memory to remind me what I can accomplish.

I want to encourage you to do the same. Create a movie in your mind of your successes. Make it as vivid as possible! Play that movie anytime you hit a rut to remind yourself what you're made of.

When I crossed the finish line into a sea of people, I heard my daughter Gabby yell, "Mom!" and I instantly cried. This one is in my heart forever!

What are you most proud of? Let me know, I'd love to hear your stories.

Take care,

Susan

My Roommate Is Driving Me Crazy!

Today's topic on Good Company was preparing college students for potential roommate issues. See the video here.

My advice for students (and parents) is to EXPECT conflict - yes, expect it. Even if you are planning to room with your best friend. Disagreements are natural and in fact, it teaches you the skill of resolution. It's the student who falls apart at the first fight, or keeps it all inside, that gets into trouble.

I interviewed hundreds of students for my book (and talked to plenty as a college counselor). I wrote a book and a site specifically on this topic which you may find useful. You'll find it at www.myroommateisdrivingmecrazy.com.

Be sure and read my free tips on rooming with a best friend, how to live with your opposite, and questions to ask a new roommate.

If you have roommate stories (good or bad) share them here!

Take care,

Susan

Room With a View

Hi All,

Here's a picture from my Dad's deck near Seattle. It doesn't get much better than this as far as I'm concerned! This is my yearly retreat to my home in the Northwest. This is the time of year that I think about the upcoming year, dream up new ideas and let go of things that didn't work from the previous year. I do a lot of running and hiking (getting ready for that half marathon) and strolling on the beach. It's amazing how a change in environment seems to loosen up my creativity.

I'm already planning some exciting projects for the fall, including parenting seminars. Keep checking out the website for the latest!

Take care of yourself and give yourself the gift of periodic breaks.

More later,

Susan

HEALTHY ROLE MODELS FOR TEENS

Is Paris Hilton a role model? I think not! However, that was the question yesterday on Cleveland's Good Company.
Cick here to watch the video.
Whether parents recognize it or not, we are our children's role models. They WANT to look up to us, so we need to give them something to be proud of. The best example we can provide is to live healthy, happy, satisfied lives. Appreciate your skills and abilities - use them to their fullest extent. Appreciate your body and invest in your health. Those messages speak volumes to our children.

If you need help, consider parent coaching. I have more information on my website. Look under "coaching" at www.susanfee.com.

Take care,

Susan

UPCOMING MEDIA APPEARANCES!

Hi Everyone!

I just returned from two weeks on the road conducting on-site training for a number of clients on various topics. Great to work with each and every one of you! I ask a lot of my workshop participants - no sitting back. I'm hired to encourage change, and that requires that people be willing to drop the walls and do something different. I ask you to challenge a lot of previous assumptions and that can be uncomfortable. I appreciate those of you willing to take the ride with me.

Back in Cleveland, I have a number of upcoming media appearances,and most will be accessible online. Here's the line-up:

Wednesday June 27: Good Company (WKYC TV, Channel 3) 10-11 am. Topic: Finding Positive Role Models for Children. I'll post the online video link here later today.

Thursday June 28: Family Matters Radio Program (WHK 1420 AM, Cleveland) 3:30-4:00 PM. Topic: Mean Girls, Helping Our Daughters Develop Positive Friendships. This program streams live and posts old shows. Visit www.familymattersradio.com

Monday July 2: Q104 Morning Show (Cleveland) - co-hosting from 5:30-10:00 am. Listen online at www.Q104.com

Wednesday July 11: Good Company (WKYC TV, Channel 3) 10:00-11:00 am. Topic: Circle of FRIENDS Summer Camp for Girls! We still have openings; camp runs July 16-20. Register by calling 800-600-5327.

Monday July 9: Q104 Morning Show (Cleveland). Back again 5:30-10 am! Listen live to 104.1 or online www.q104.com.

If you have questions on any of the topics - let me know!

Take care of yourself,

Susan

From Third to First

I had the great pleasure of seeing Elliot Yamin perform over the weekend at Cleveland's Rib Cookoff (yes, from the side of the stage, thanks to my husband!)

Elliot came in third place in last year's American Idol, and you'd never know that he didn't "win." He possess so much soul, passion, and integrity. Because he came in third, he didn't get the big record deal. He went out on his own and independently produced his own album. It's the best thing that could have happened to him.

His story reminds me how often we get blinded by wanting a certain outcome - that number one position - that we lose sight of what can happen when we are left to struggle. For every person who doesn't get the promotion, for every person whose heart gets broken by "the one" for every college student who doesn't get into their top choice - KEEP GOING! Give thanks. You are now free to follow the path you were meant to be on all along.

Take care,
Susan

15 GOING ON 16

Thanks to all the listeners of Cleveland's Q104 for supporting me on the air yesterday as I filled in for the traveling Rebecca Wilde. After co-hosting with my husband, the most common feedback I receive is, "You sound so natural together; the conversation really flows." It should - we've been married almost 16 years!

Honest, open communication between spouses is not always easy, but it is certainly attainable. Signs of healthy communication include feeling safe, trusting, empathy, respect, and understanding. Do you laugh easily and often with one another?

If you and your spouse struggle, or have hot topics that you simply cannot discuss, consider couples counseling to help you understand what to do differently. You can book an appointment with me or another counselor through Lakeshore Educational & Counseling Services by calling 800-600-5327.

Take care of yourself!
-Susan, www.susanfee.com

WAKE UP CALL: 3:30 AM

Hi Everyone!

I'll be co-hosting the Q104 Morning Show again with my husband Thursday May 24th. If you're not a Clevelander, you can listen live on the internet.

Have a relationship story or question? Call in and share it. We'd love to hear what's on your mind!

-Susan

TIME DOES NOT HEAL ALL WOUNDS!

"Just give it some time and you'll feel better." You've heard that saying before, right? Baloney. Time by itself is just time. It matters what you do with it. When it comes to recovering from a breakup, some people move on quickly, but some people choose to stay bitter, angry, and sad for years.

Healthy healing means making healthy choices. For ideas on how to do that, watch my interview from Good Company (video link at bottom of page.)

For more tips on how to recover from a breakup, check out my booklet Building Resiliency: 68 Coping Strategies for Surviving & Thriving During Adversity.

Take care of yourself!

Susan

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

Surviving a break up is my next topic on Good Company. I'll be on the show Thursday May 3, 10-11 am EST. Do you have a break up story or question you want answered? Post it any time!

I'll post the video here later that day if you can't catch the show live.

Take care of yourself!

Susan

HOW HAPPY ARE YOU? TAKE THIS QUIZ!

How happy are you? Are you satisfied with your life, or do you want more? Dr. Robert Holden is a psychologist, founder of the Happiness Project in England and the author of Happiness Now! (Hodder Mobius; New Ed edition, 1999)

To measure life satisfaction, he created the following statements. Read them and then use the 1–7 scale to rate your level of agreement and add your answers together.

1 = Not at all true
4 = Moderately True
7 = Absolutely True

1. In most ways, my life is close to ideal.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7

2. The conditions of my life are excellent.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7

3. I am satisfied with my life.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7

4. So far I have gotten the important things I want in life.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7

5. If I could live my life over, I would change almost nothing.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7


If you scored 15 or under, you are dissatisfied with your life. If you scored 31 or higher, you are extremely satisfied with your life.

If you scored somewhere in the middle, Holden shared this advice on Oprah's TV show: the key to being happy is overcoming "destination addiction," which he defines as "living in the not-now."

"It's always about tomorrow, so you're chasing 'more,' 'next' and 'there,'" he says. "You promise yourself that when you get there, you'll be happy. And I promise you, you won't, because you'll always set another destination to go for."

Does this describe you? If so, counseling can help! April is Counseling Awareness Month and I want to do my part to build awareness of how counseling can positively influence lives. If you have a positive story about how counseling helped you make a change, please share it. And, if you are ready to make a change in your life, visit the counseling page of my website to learn more.

As, always, take care of yourself!

Susan

WATCH SUSAN'S TV INTERVIEW ON HOW TO MANAGE STRESS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Everyone experiences stress and that can certainly affect your personal relationships (and/or be the source of stress!) I talked with Michael Cardamone and Eileen McShea today on Cleveland's Good Company. Click here to watch the TV interview.

Stress needs to be managed. If your pattern is to let it build up to the point that you blow up, it's time to find healthier alternatives. The damage caused to our relationships during blow ups can be deeply hurtful and sometimes irreparable. I've listed several stress management tips in my booklet "Building Resiliency: 68 Coping
Strategies for Surviving and Thriving During Adversity." You can find out more on my
website.

Take care of yourself!

Susan

RELATIONSHIP STRESS!

Tax bills, kids, work, inlaws....there are all sorts of ways that stress can enter a relationship. Watch Monday as I talk about how to give your relationship "shock absorbers" on Cleveland's Good Company (WKYC-TV, 10:00-11:00 am EST). If you can't watch live, check back here Monday afternoon and I'll post a link to the interview.

If you have specific questions for me, post them any time!

Take care,

Susan

TRUE COURAGE

My husband and I attended the Heartthrob Ball this past weekend for the Children's Hospital in Cleveland. Any time you think you're having a tough day, take a walk down the hallways of any Children's hospital and you'll be reminded what true courage is. Four kids were honored for their courage and their stories are simply remarkable. Congrats to the families who support them and the doctors and staff who care for them. Bravo! As many of you know, I have a deep interest in the topic of resiliency - especially in teaching kids to cultivate the skill. We all have a lot to learn from the life stories shared with us this very special evening. Thank you again!

MEAN GIRLS WORKSHOP

Thanks to everyone in Clarkston, Washington and neighboring communities who attended my Mean Girls Workshop! This was my second visit since December and I appreciate working with people who care so deeply about understanding the topic of relational aggression. A special thank you to Carmel Donohue for arranging my workshops.

Regarding the questions I received about making the Circle of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. program available nationwide - it's in the works! By June 1, the Educator Package will be available so anyone can offer and facilitate the same curriculum. It will include the facilitator's guide, reproducible handouts, CD training, conversation card deck and more. Keep checking my website for updates. Until then, if you have any questions or discussion items, please post them here.

Take care,

Susan

2011 Update! See below for a number of resources that I've developed since this original post:

Circle of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Facilitator's Guide

BFF! (Except When We're Not) DVD

BFF! (Except When We're Not) E-Seminar

Dealing with Mean Girls: A Parent's Guide to Helping Girls Develop Healthy Friendships

After "I Do"

What do you say after, "I do"? Watch my relationship segment from today's Good Company.

Big weddings are fun, but marriage is a process, not an event! Invest as much energy into your marriage as you do planning your wedding day, and you'll be on your way to a successful union.

By the way, if you can spend thousands for a dress, flowers, cake, and decorations, why not spend a couple of hundred dollars in pre-marital counseling? You'll be investing something to last a lifetime versus one day. If you are considering getting married, I strongly encourage you to make an appointment. You can reach me through Lakeshore Educational & Counseling Services (440) 963-0402 or 800-600-5327.

All the best!

Susan

NEWLYWED TO LONGTIME WED

What does it take to make marriage last? I'll be sharing tips Monday March 12th on WKYC TV's Good Company (10:00-11:00 AM, Cleveland). If you can't watch the program live, check back here Monday afternoon and I'll provide a video link.

Meanwhile, if you're engaged or have been married less than a year, and want to know how to keep the fire going - post your questions here!

Have a great weekend,

Susan

NOW HIRING! (YOUR KIDS)

I just read an interesting article in the WSJ (3/5/07, Page B4) called "Hiring Becomes a Family Affair." Apparently some companies are embracing the trend of helicopter parents by courting them in order to hire their kids. For example, Merrill Lynch invited both parents and students to an open house, gave tours, and allowed parents to ask questions in hopes they would push their kids to accept an internship. Employers say this strategy cuts down on parental over-involvement later since parents were involved early on.

While I admire the savvy creativity of companies embracing a trend, I'm concerned that some parents are still orchestrating their children's lives post college. I can't tell you how many clients I see in their late twenties and thirties who are dissatisfied with their lives, mostly because they lived it for their parents rather than by their own choices. Or, these same individuals cannot solve everyday problems because their parents have always stepped in and saved them.

Save your kid a quarter-life crisis! Offer guidance; coach them with skills, but let them make their own career decisions. Making mistakes is part of the learning process. Let them discover what interests them, what it takes to live independently, how to negotiate relationships. Wisdom comes from both factual and experiential learning. Parents don't have the right to take that away from their children.

Agree or disagree? I'm interested in your comments.

PRE-CONFERENCE QUESTIONS FOR TRI-STATE

I'm excited to be presenting for the third year at the Tri-State Camping Conference! I'll be delivering three workshops:

Stressed-Out Girls
Coaching Skills for Managers
Building Team Communication

I invite conference attendees to post any questions or challenging situations that you would like addressed. I will be sure to include them in my presentations. I'm looking forward to seeing you all.

-Susan

HAIR TODAY, GONE TOMORROW

Hey! What happened to my husband's hair? Yes, it really happened. My husband went bald like Britney, donating his sheared locks to raise money for cancer.

It's been a fast-paced week co-hosting with my husband. It's been a blast, but the 3:30 am wakeup call has left me sleep deprived. I have learned so much about the art of listening - really listening. The times that I became distracted, focusing on other things and not looking directly at Allan are the times I goofed. Such mistakes are far more apparent when it leads to "dead air."

Thanks for all the listener support. Your kind words meant a lot. I have one more day to go, then it's back to reality... and sleep.

AWAKE AND STILL MARRIED

Whew! I survived my first day co-hosting on my husband's Cleveland radio show. I'm not so sure he did though - he was challenged to shave his head after his comments about Brittney Spears. You can see before and after pictures by visiting Q104's website and clicking on "Wilde and Fee."

It was a kick working together! He was just as supportive as he was twenty years ago, and it was a good reminder of why I married him. I'll post more inside scoop as the week progresses, but for now, I need a nap!

BACK TO MY RADIO ROOTS

Almost twenty years ago I said yes to an offer that changed my life. One of my college professors invited me to audition for an on-air position at a local radio station where he worked. I got the job and met my future husband, Allan, who was hosting the afternoon show. I stayed in radio for about five years before moving into training. Allan developed a very successful radio career and currently hosts the morning show on Q-104 in Cleveland.

Next week I'll be joining him while his co-host is on vacation. I'm scared and excited. Talk about relationship dynamics! Both Allan and I have blogs, so it will be interesting to see how differently we interpret the experience as the week progresses (just remember, I'm always right). You can listen online by visiting Q104. Share my experience, call the show! I'd love to hear from you.

RESOURCES FOR OPRA ATTENDEES

Thank you to everyone who attended one or more of my workshops at this year's OPRA conference. For those of you who traveled to Cleveland, welcome to my city and hope you had a good time.

As promised, here are some additional resources to learn more about the topics I presented:

For more on emotional intelligence, I suggest reading two books, "Raising Your Emotional Intelligence" by Jeanne Segal and "Working With Emotional Intelligence" by Daniel Goleman. I also offer individual and team coaching using the BarOn EI assessment. You can learn more by visiting my website at www.susanfee.com and clicking on "coaching."

For more on coaching using appreciate inquiry, read "Appreciative Inquiry" by Cooperrider & Whitney and "Now, Discover Your Strengths" by Buckingham & Clifton.

Finally, to learn more on resiliency, read "Authentic Happiness" by Martin Seligman. To take a free online depression screening, go to www.depression-screening.org. Or, if you are local to the area, you may make a counseling appointment with me by contacting Lakeshore Educational & Counseling Services at (440) 963-0402. You can learn more about my counseling approach by visiting my website and clicking on "counseling."

LOOKING FOR LOVE IN ALL THE RIGHT PLACES

Hi,

Here's today's TV interview on Cleveland's "Good Company." To see it click on "Finding Love After 50."

Thanks for the phone calls and comments I've already received from viewers! You're on the right track. And by the way, the best way to meet people you might be attracted to is get active and involved in activities that interest you.

SUSAN ON TV DISCUSSING LOVE AFTER 50

Is love possible after 50? Of course! But, if you think anything like Diane Keaton's character in the new movie, "Because I Said So" you may think it's all over once you're out of your twenties.

Tune in to my TV appearance Monday February 5 on "Good Company" (Cleveland, WKYC, 10:00 AM) and I'll explain how some women sabatoage their own happiness and how to change it. If you can't watch, check back here Monday afternoon and I'll post an online link to the interview.

P.S. If this is your situation, please post your questions so I can address them in my segment. Thanks!

TEENS, MESSAGING, AND FEAR

I just purchased a Mac and I'm on a steep learning curve! A twenty-something was my salesperson and at one point referred to me as "the older generation." (Being the good trainer I am, I suggested that was not the best sales technque.) There are four generations currently in the workforce and if you are working with Gen-Y employees, you need to understand their use of messaging.

Here's an article posted in the Mac TidBITS newsletter written by a college student that will give you insight. I find it very interesting that he refers to IM as a way to "be safe" and "think about his response." What's caused this generation to be so fearful of face-to-face conversations?

Love to hear your thoughts - Susan

ASK YOUR OPRA QUESTIONS NOW

Hello to all the Ohio Parks and Recreation professionals attending this year's OPRA conference in Cleveland. I'm pleased to be invited back for my third year! This year, I'll be presenting three sessions:

Responding to Adversity
Coaching Skills for Managers
Emotional Intelligence in the Workplace

What questions or situations do you want me to address? Post your comments now and I'll be sure to answer them in my sessions. I'm looking forward to seeing you February 8-9!

SELF-ESTEEM WORKSHOP FOLLOW UP

Thanks to all who braved the cold weather last night to attend my parenting workshop, "Self-Esteem: The Key to Your Child's Success." I appreciated your dedication, questions, and discussion. I've included some pictures from the program courtesy of Mindy Jencson (thanks Mindy!)

Parents, as you work through the material and practice it with your kids, questions will arise. Feel free to post them here and I will respond within 24 hours. For those of you who inquired about the Circle of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. program, the next session begins Saturday February 3, 2007. Please sign up now by calling Lakeshore Educational & Counseling Services at (440) 963-0402 or 800-600-5327.

Remember, your kids need more than unconditional love. They need skills; invest in your child's well-being!

"I CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT!"

Parents,

Do your kids ever say that? I was on Cleveland's Channel 3 this morning talking about how to boost your kid's self-esteem. Host Andrea Vecchio and I talked about the role of competition, responding to bullies, and what to do when your child, "can't do anything right!" Watch the video by clicking on the link below.

Susan's appearance on WKYC TV's Good Company. (click on "Kids and Self-Esteem")

UPCOMING TV APPEARANCE

Hi,

For those of you in NE Ohio, I'll be on WKYC TV's "Good Company" program Thursday January 18th at 10:00 am talking about kids and self-esteem. If you have questions you'd like me to adddress, please post them here. If you can't see the program live, I'll post the interview link here Thursday afternoon.

Also, there's still time to register for my free program "Self-Esteem: The Key to Your Child's Success" Wednesday January 24th 7:00-8:30 PM at the Cuyahoga Valley Career Center. Register by calling (440) 746-8115.

Hope to see you there!

WOULD YOU MARRY YOUR SPOUSE AGAIN?

The latest Woman's Day magazine and AOL.com poll finds over a third (36%) of married women would not marry their husbands if they had to do it all over again, with another 20% saying they weren't sure if they would or not. The complete poll findings are highlighted in the February issue of Woman's Day magazine and online at
http://www.womansday.com/community. What do you think?

As a counselor who sees couples, I find not only the results disturbing, but the very questions themselves. Any question based on, "If I had to do it all over again.." misses the point. We cannot redo our past, but it sure is easy to romantize how much better it might've been, only if...
There's the assumption that a different partner would have changed our lives dramatically, forgetting the part that we ourselves play in our outcome.

If you are struggling in a stagnant relationship, here are more productive questions to ask: When was my relationship at its strongest and most vibrant? What's different today? What do I need to start (or stop) doing today to recreate that same connection? How can I become more responsible for the health of my current relationship? What do I need to say to my partner that would affirm him/or her and our relationship?

Relationships are hard work, no doubt. Part of the satisfaction is knowing that when times are tough you focused on solutions versus regrets.

GIVE HELP. GIVE HOPE. GIVE AN HOUR

I've signed up as a volunteer for this worthy cause and would like to spread the word to all other mental health professionals. Here's information on Give An Hour:

"We are a nonprofit organization developing a national network of mental health professionals to give an hour of their time each week to provide free mental health services to military personnel and their families. Please visit our Web site to sign up and share our information with your colleagues. www.giveanhour.org or call Barbara V. Romberg, PhD, Executive Director, (202) 244-5944."

YOUR "PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS"

Have you seen "The Pursuit of Happyness" yet? If not, go! It's inspiring on so many levels. To me, the best part is when Will Smith (as the lead character) sees a very successful man in a Ferrari and says, "I have two questions for you: What do you do for a living and how did you afford this car?" Asking those questions becomes the turning point for his life. He could have asked himself, why can't I be so lucky? And, he probably could have come up with the answer, yet that answer would have left him right where he was.

What questions are you asking? Are they the type of questions that will lead you to your desired outcome? If not, change the question. Start with "what" or "how" and see where the answers take you! For an example of the type of questions that will lead you forward, visit my website at www.susanfee.com and click on "Ready for Change?"

COLLEGE STUDENTS AND HOMESICKNESS

Some college students have a tougher time dealing with homesickness than others. I receive emails weekly from students who are struggling and asking for help. Here's a recent AP article that explains how debilitating it can be. If you're a student (or the parent of one) who is having a hard time adjusting, please read my tips for surviving homesickness by visiting www.myroommateisdrivingmecrazy.com.

QUESTIONS ABOUT KIDS AND SELF-ESTEEM

As the mother of an eight-year old daughter, I know parenting is a tough job! One of the most important things we can do for our kids is to help them develop a strong sense of self-esteem so they can manage themselves when we're not around.

When setting boundaries for your kids, remember the difference between punishment and discipline: punishment is about controlling your kids (spanking) and discipline is about teaching your kids how to control themselves (consequences). If you have questions on how to do that, please comment. I'm preparing material now for an upcoming seminar and your questions will be part of the discussion.

For those of you who live in the Cleveland-Akron area, I'll be presenting "Self-Esteem: The Key to Your Child's Success" on Wednesday January 24th, 2007 at the Cuyahoga Valley Career Center. Best of all, it's free!

MOMS, DON'T LET YOUR DAUGHTERS GROW UP TO BE MEAN GIRLS

Here's yet another story about mean girl behavior, this time from high school cheerleaders in McKinney, TX. Click here to see the ABC News story.

As I travel the country teaching parents, teachers, and young girls how to deal with these type of situations, I hear stories like this all the time. Still, they never cease to disappoint me. I do hope these girls will learn to use their power in more positive ways and the adults involved learn the value of setting boundaries.

If you're the parent of a young girl who has struggled with mean girls, check out my program, Circle Of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. A new session starts February 3, 2007.

WELCOME TO MY BLOG!

Welcome to my first blog entry! I specialize in helping my clients improve their personal and professional communication skills. You can find lots of great information on my website, but sometimes relationship questions just can't wait.

Do you work with a jerk? Are you involved in a dead-end relationship? Are you ready to have a difficult conversation, but can't find the right words? Let me know. Let's make 2007 the year you find the courage to speak up with confidence!

Check out my website at www.susanfee.com and check my blog each day for tips for handling situations you may face personally or professionally.

I welcome your question and comments here.