Imagine you were lost and asked someone for directions. What if the person replied, "I can tell you how to get there, but first, tell me everywhere you've been so far." Crazy, right? The same philosophy applies when we endlessly examine our problems looking for solutions. In most cases the problem has nothing to do with the solution! If you ask a person what's wrong and what they want to happen, you will receive two different answers. As a counselor, if I ask a fighting couple what's wrong, believe me, they will have no trouble filling an hour with complaints! But, if I ask what they want, the answers usually include improved communication, respect, validation, and trust. What a difference!
So, are you problem or solution-focused? What do you find yourself talking about most? To move in a forward direction, ask yourself these questions:
1. What's going right?
2. What do I want more of?
3. When are the times my problem is less intense or absent? How can I create more of those moments?
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