Problems Don't Lead to Solutions

Imagine you were lost and asked someone for directions. What if the person replied, "I can tell you how to get there, but first, tell me everywhere you've been so far." Crazy, right? The same philosophy applies when we endlessly examine our problems looking for solutions. In most cases the problem has nothing to do with the solution! If you ask a person what's wrong and what they want to happen, you will receive two different answers.

As a counselor, if I ask a fighting couple what's wrong, believe me, they will have no trouble filling an hour with complaints! But, if I ask what they want, the answers usually include improved communication, respect, validation, and trust. What a difference!

So, are you problem or solution-focused? What do you find yourself talking about most? To move in a forward direction, ask yourself these questions:

1. What's going right?
2. What do I want more of?
3. When are the times my problem is less intense or absent? How can I create more of those moments?

Overflow

I was honored to be the keynote speaker for this year's Caregiver Advocacy luncheon in Marietta, OH. Non-paid caregivers are usually family members who are called on to provide 24/7 care for someone whose health has declined. It can be for a spouse, parent, or ill child. It is selfless work and a story close to my heart since my father was forced into that role in 1977.

In April of that year, my mother had a massive stroke leaving her in a vegetative state. I was 12, and although I helped out, my father shouldered the brunt of the responsibility. When he vowed to stay married through, "better or worse," he meant it. The experience shaped my life and provided many lessons that I was able to share with those honored yesterday.

The hardest thing to do is to convince a caregiver to take care of him or herself. Caring for others must come from our overflow, created when we invest in those things that fill us up. The mistake is dipping into our reserves until our bucket is completely empty. It's too easy for feelings of anger and resentment to seep in. One can start thinking and acting like a victim.

The only anecdote to the empty bucket syndrome is to realize that filling yours is not selfish, but necessary! Start by engaging in those activities that give you energy. Examples include attending church, doing something creative, building, exercising, reading, socializing, gardening, cooking for fun, and journaling. Learn to PLAY again. Laughter is a sure sign that you're hitting the overflow point and can start filling the bucket of others.

Thank you to my father, Dick St.John, for the many lessons shared during his 82 years, particularly the 13 spent selflessly taking care of my mother.

Give Gifts that Keep On Giving

What do you give someone who has everything? How about an investment in that person's future success? Yes, it's possible to give a very meaningful, personalized, environmentally-sensitive gift with one click of your mouse. AND as it should be with all good giving, you receive something in return too!

Here's the offer you can't pass up: Give your special someone a Personal Coaching Session. If they live outside of NE Ohio, the session can be held by phone. When you place your order, you'll receive your choice of one of my E-Seminars at no additional charge! That's a $25 value in addition to finding the perfect gift for that hard-to-shop-for person.

If YOU are the special person you're thinking of, go right ahead! Order a coaching session for yourself and you'll still receive the E-Seminar.

Have a lot of people to shop for? Don't forget my other Holiday Offer! Order 25 or more Tips Booklets (at $2.50 each) and receive your choice of a free E-Seminar!

Hurry - both offers end December 23.

Happy Holidays!

Give it Away

I'm a huge fan of Panera Bread. Since the restaurant is close to my counseling office, I eat lunch there often. Even my 11-year-old daughter is hooked on their Black Bean Soup. But really, the reason she loves Panera is the free bread samples. If you've ever visited Panera, you know what I'm talking about. As soon as you walk in the door, there's the basket of samples. It's the next best thing to sliced bread: FREE sliced bread!



This is a brilliant marketing move and one we should all follow. As soon as patrons walk in the door, they get something. They're happy customers! They didn't have to jump through hoops, sign up for a credit card, or become a "loyal" customer before receiving something. And, the sample teaches them about what Panera has to offer.

In a tough economy, we're often reluctant to give away our product or service. This is not the time to act stingy! If you fear that giving something away means you have less to sell, then you're in the wrong field. One sign that you're using your strengths is that you have an abundance of ideas and products to offer. Share the overflow with those you are meant to serve. It's the best marketing you'll ever do - plus it's the right thing to do.

On that note, have you checked out my free E-Seminar? Just click on the link for a 30-minute podcast and workbook download. Easy. While you're at it, sign up for my free monthly E-Zine, Communication Tip Sheet. You'll also find my free video tips posted on YouTube, with more to come.

And, how about this holiday offer? Purchase 25 or more of any tips booklet and receive a 60-minute E-Seminar of your choice for FREE! That's a $25 value!
Tips booklets make fantastic stocking stuffers or a business Thank You with value. Add one of your business stickers to the front or inside cover for a customized message. Then, educate yourself with a free E-Seminar of your choice! Place your online order for 25 or more tips booklets and I'll contact you personally for your bonus E-Seminar download. Hurry, offer ends December 23!

Now, what are YOU going to give away today?

Long-Term Success

Our team staying warm just before running their path to success!

"I did it!" Eleven-year-old Shanna was beaming at her accomplishment. She had just finished her first 5K along with 200 other local girls from Girls on the Run. I had the privilege of running/walking along side of her in Sunday's Cleveland Fall Classic. We were surrounded by 1,000 other runners, but all that mattered for me was that Shanna cross that finish line. It helped when she saw her family in the home stretch, cheering her on with pride. She got a burst of energy, we held hands, and she sprinted to the end.

Our team trained 10-weeks for this moment. For most of these girls, it is the biggest goal they've ever achieved. Children today don't often have the opportunity of completing a long-term goal. We've set them up for instant gratification, so if rewards aren't paid off in minutes, they're off to something else. Yet it is in the working and earning for a goal over time where confidence is built.

You better believe these girls made their parents proud on Sunday. But, more importantly, these girls were proud of themselves.

Follow This Recipe

Backstage with Guy Fieri

There are thousands of chefs in the world, so what makes Guy Fieri stand out? It's more than his spiked, blonde hair. I met Fieri backstage at Cleveland's Fabulous Food show and watched his show. He's passionate and energetic on and off stage. He has what the producers of all successful Food Network shows want: personal stories.

This is a recipe for success we all need to follow. Whatever your profession, I guarantee you, thousands of others do the exact same thing. On paper, you're forgettable. The only thing that makes any of us stand out is our personal perspective shared through stories.

Guy's prep food fridge also included personal stories...

The best stories come from living a full life. Break out of what everyone else is doing and go explore your passions. Develop your interests and hobbies. Learn something new, meet new people, observe your world. These are the things that make you unique! Anyone worried about job security or how to stand out in an interview needs to remember what Guy Fieri knows: no one can compete with your personal perspective.

Sous chefs prepping behind the stage of the Fabulous Food Show.
Prep your "show" by developing stories from your life.

Everyone has a story! Make the most of yours.

How is Stress Different from Depression?

Are you stressed or depressed? It can be hard to tell. The symptoms can appear very similar and at times, co-mingle, but there are some stark differences. Namely, in stressful situations, you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. But, depression is far more pervasive. It can feel like there's nothing that you, or anyone else can do to lift the dark cloud.

Tough economic times combined with the winter blahs and the upcoming holiday season may leave you feeling overwhelmed. If you're concerned for yourself, or someone else in your life, here are the signs to watch for:

Symptoms of Stress	Symptoms of Depression
Disrupted sleep cycle Disrupted eating patterns Physical ailments Loss of memory/hair Extreme behavior Negative impact on relationships	Experienced for at least two weeks or longer Persistent, sad, anxious, empty mood Feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, guilt Loss of interest in things that used to be fun Disrupted sleep/eating cycles Lack of concentration Thoughts of suicide

More Facts about Depression

• According to the National Institute of Mental Health, major depressive disorder affects approximately 14.8 million American adults, or about 6.7 percent of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year.
• Highly treatable with professional help! The most successful treatment results include talk therapy, and in some cases, medication in combination. Anti-depressants can provide a window of opportunity to change behavior, but a pill alone will not change negative thought patterns.
  
• Take the National Mental Health Association’s online depression screening at http://www.depression-screening.org
• Contact your Employee Assistance Program or Insurance Company for help finding a qualified mental health provider. If you live in NE Ohio and would like to schedule an appointment with Susan Fee, call Lakeshore Educational & Counseling Services at 800-600-5327.