26 Things to Do While Looking for A Job

The current economy has a lot of people out of work and searching for a job. If you're one of them, you may be feeling discouraged. Many of my clients, fellow professionals, and close friends are out of work too, so I have personally heard many stories. While it's true that you must take your job search seriously, I'm going to go against conventional wisdom and suggest that you do not spend eight hours a day doing it.

Here's why: it's depressing to sit in front of a computer all day scanning job sites and submitting online resumes or reading the same want ads. Some people get too hung up on perfecting their resume or cover letter, having spent up to a year out of work, they sit and lament over the smallest detail. After years of coaching and hearing success stories, I'm absolutely convinced that opportunities are revealed through connections to people, not job sites. Therefore, if you're out of work, you need to be spending the majority of your time around current contacts and meeting new people. They will lead you to your next job.

But, I find the more depressed job seekers get, the less social they become. And, when they're around people, they have nothing passionate or interesting to share. That's called poor marketing! Here's what I suggest to my clients: spend 1-3 hours every day seriously searching and applying for positions. Spend the rest of the day meeting with people, pursuing hobbies, learning something new, or helping others. When you're doing something you're passionate about, you meet other people who share the same interests. They meet you at your best and perceive you as a vibrant, employable person. You have something to discuss other than the fact that you're jobless, therefore you're not complaining, or appearing too desperate.

I'm not trying to minimize the need for income. I realize that it may sound frivolous (or impossible) to spend time "playing" when you have bills to pay. My contention is that you will find employment sooner with this approach than you will by spending all day isolated and feeling depressed. With that in mind, here's a list of 26 things to do while looking for a job:

1. Read or re-read a classic novel.
2. Join a book club.
3. Start a blog.
4. Train for a running or bike race.
5. Volunteer at an animal shelter.
6. Plant a garden from seed.
7. Coach a child's sport team.
8. Try a new cooking recipe.
9. Renew an old friendship.
10. Organize a neighborhood potluck.
11. Clean and organize a cluttered space in your house.
12. Hike a trail that you've never explored.
13. Open a dictionary and learn a new word. Use it throughout the day.
14. Host a movie night. Invite 3 friends and ask each to bring an additional guest that you don't know.
15. Read your local newspaper in its entirety (not just the job listings). Share/discuss something new you learned with a friend or neighbor.
16. Volunteer to work at a community festival.
17. Volunteer to work a water station at a running race.
18. Schedule an informational interview with someone working in a field of your interest.
19. Join and participate in a local church.
20. Donate blood to the Red Cross.
21. Research a native bird or flower. Take a walk in a local neighborhood or park and see how many times you can spot it.
22. Write a handwritten letter to a friend, thanking him or her for being part of your life.
23. Volunteer to hand out programs or usher at a local theater in exchange for seeing the show for free.
24. Learn a new language by renting an audio program from the library. Test your skills by watching a foreign film.
25. Join Toastmasters and improve your public speaking skills.
26. Download my free E-Seminar, How to Speak So Others Listen. Share a tip you learned with someone else.

Have more ideas? Feel free to add them by posting a comment. I'd love to hear your thoughts, experiences, and success stories with this approach, so do share.

When Life's Messy Take a Picture!

In honor of Mother's Day, I humbly share this essay for all the young moms out there who are trying to be "perfect." Don't bother! I wrote this eight years ago when my daughter was four.

It’s 12:30 A.M. My shirt is splattered in neon blue syrup, having dripped in a steady, sticky stream off my hair and face. I stand frozen, spoon in one hand, medicine bottle in the other, contemplating my next move. My assailant is sitting on the kitchen counter, defiantly staring back. Her four-year old hands are clamped over her mouth, her cheeks feverishly red. It was on my third attempt to coax medicine into my daughter’s mouth that she pulled the Bruce Lee move that sent it flying. She removes her hands long enough to scream, “I’m not taking any more medicine ever again!” And then it occurs to me: I should take a picture.

I had spent that afternoon working on Gabby’s scrapbook. Out of rolls of film, only a handful of pictures made the cut. She had to be smiling, clean, dressed in matching clothes, hair brushed. My husband even purchased a digital camera so we could immediately edit bad shots. Pictures of Gabby and me show us laughingly engaged in a way that will be flattering to me years from now. I am put-together, attentive, and never too tired to play. But standing there with Blueberry Blast Bubblegum cough syrup coagulating in my hair, I decide to end the charade. If I’m going to document her childhood, then I’m going to tell the truth.

As soon as my friends and family learned that I was pregnant, I received advice on the importance of keeping a scrapbook: “Start right away! Kids grow so fast, you think you’ll remember everything, but you won’t.” I looked at my own childhood albums, and I don’t recall most of the people or events. I do remember the time when I was five and refused to eat my dinner. I had to sit alone at the table for hours staring at a plateful of three-bean salad. No picture of that. No temper tantrums, fighting with my brother, or spitting up food. Instead, I’m twirling in tutus and blowing out candles. My mom is dressed in high heels, starched apron over her knit dress, presenting my homemade cake. Naturally, I modeled Gabby’s scrapbook after my own: never a bad day.

A lot of my friends belong to scrapbooking clubs. They have consultants who school them on the virtues of non-acidic paper, themes, stickers, and organization. I wonder if they have any decorative cutouts I can add to Gabby’s book that say, “Yucky face you made when I asked you to clean your room"?

Recently, a friend and I got together for coffee. She brought along some pictures of a party that I had attended. “Oh my gosh!” I said, “What a horrible picture!” There I was, eyelids half closed, mouth wide open, my lower jaw resting on a stack of chins. “You’ve got to get rid of this – it doesn’t look anything like me!” Was it my vanity speaking, or insecurity?

She leaned over to look, and laughed. “Actually, in that split second, that’s exactly how you looked.” I wonder what pictures are in her daughter’s scrapbook?

I think of all the ones I should have taken. In Gabby’s first Santa picture, she appears as jolly as he is. But it took an hour and half of hysterical screaming, three trips through the line, and me sitting on Santa’s lap with her before we got that shot. We have a framed picture of Gabby gazing up at me while hiking on a Technicolor fall day. She’s holding my hand, and in her other hand is a lollipop. It was either that, or haul the camera equipment back to the car when she had a fit over not being able to play near a cliff. No more! If we can have reality television, we can have reality scrapbooks. I’d like to think that someday, when Gabby is raising her own children, she’d thank me for my honesty. Wishful thinking, I’m sure. But maybe it’s not too much to hope that she understands, there are times when we are vulnerable.

I feel a ping on my left cheek. Gabby has flung the thermometer at me. I reach down to pick it up. And then I grab my camera.

Teach Girls How to Hit the Mark

Ask almost any girl to name her best friend and she’ll launch into a complex rating system describing her “best friend, best-best friend, best friend that she’s currently not speaking to, best friend at school, best friend on the bus, used-to-be best friend,” and so on. In other words, it’s complex!

For girls, friends are everything and we do them a great disservice by not telling them the truth about relationships. Myth-buster #1: You can't have 80 best friends! The problem is, they don't have the language to properly distinguish all the people they know, and therefore, the criteria they choose to allow someone into their inner circle. The result? Poor choices, hurt feelings, and drama.

I developed the Friendship Bull's-eye Discussion Tool to help girls grasp the issue. The discussion questions (on the back of the product) prompt girls to think critically about their relationships choices online and in person. The bull's-eye also suggest that people flow in and out of your life for various reasons, and that's not always a bad thing.

Moms, share your story with your daughters. If you're like me, you're lucky to have 1-3 people who've made it to your inner circle and remain there today. Let's take the pressure off girls to be "friends" with everyone.

Slugs

I grew up in the Pacific Northwest where the gardner's natural nemesis is the slug. As a kid, spring showers meant you had to dodge large brown blobs on the walk to school as the wetness brought them (and their trailing slime) out in droves. And, I'm embarrassed to admit that I killed my share of slugs by shaking salt on them which makes them magically melt away in front of your eyes. This is how we entertained ourselves before the invention of video games.

One of my favorite memories of my 83-year old father is when I called him one day from my home in Cleveland to chat and ask what he was doing. "Well!" he started out, "I've had quite the day so far!" This spiked my interest. What could he be up to on a rainy Seattle day?

"I've spent all morning tracking a slug trying to get across the back deck! Do you know how long and hard he has to work?"

Now before you go thinking this is a sad story - that once you hit your 80's, all you have to look forward to is watching the progression of a slug, think again. My father was dedicated to learning at least one new thing a day. Sometimes the lesson to learn was obvious, but some days he pushed himself to challenge an old perception - like the value of a slug.

What if you woke up everyday being curious? Instead of planning the whole day, what if your radar was set to answer, "What new thing am I to learn today?" You might just see slugs in a whole new way.

Additional ways to challenge your perception.

Did You Know This?

Here's part two of Counseling Myths and Facts:

Myth: If I admit I need counseling, I’ll be branded for life.

Asking for help when struggling is the smart thing to do, not a sign of personal weakness. Mental illness is treatable. Counseling helps people address their issues now so that they’re not branded for life.

Myth: The counselor will tell me I’m mentally ill and put me on medication.

Counselors are qualified to diagnose and treat mental illnesses, but not prescribe medication. In some situations, a counselor may refer a client to a psychiatrist to discuss drug treatment in addition to talk therapy. Whether or not a client takes medication is always a personal choice.

Myth: If I go once, they’ll make me keep coming back.

Counseling is completely voluntary. Clients can quit at any time. A counselor’s goal is to help a you feel better, not to keep you in counseling for life.

More tips for Building Resiliency, Recovering from Disappointment, and Managing Conflict.

Counseling Myths and Facts

When people find out I'm a therapist, a common question I receive is, "How can you stand to listening all day to people's problems? Isn't it depressing?" Quite the contrary! I spend little time talking about problems and most discussing solutions. Therefore, I really love my job because it's invigorating and inspirational to work with people at a point in their lives when they want to change for the better. Who wouldn't want to do that all day?

That's just one of the misunderstandings about counseling. In honor of Counseling Awareness Month, I'd like to bust a few more myths:

Myth: My problems aren’t big enough to need counseling.

People don’t have to be sick to want to feel better. If you're frustrated enough that a problem is having a negative effect on your life, that is reason enough for counseling. Sometimes people just need to vent. Just like physical sickness, it’s better to address things sooner rather than later.

Myth: Counselors give advice and tell you exactly what to do.

Friends give advice; counselors help people find their own solutions. That means that counselors will not tell you what to do but rather ask questions to help you discover what you can do for yourself.

Myth: Talking about my problems will only make them worse.

In order to solve something, it must be acknowledged. But counselors don’t dwell on problems. They focus on solutions. They’ll help you figure out what’s causing a situation and discover better ways to deal with it.

Brave Enough to Ask Your Kids?

Are you brave enough to ask for feedback? Most of us cringe at the thought of hearing others' opinions unless we know it will be positive. I'd guess most of us are far more fragile on the inside than we'd ever admit.

Yet as parents, we don't hesitate to give all sorts of unsolicited feedback to our children! Many times parents only speak up when kids are misbehaving. If they're acting well, parents don't really notice or they don't want to ruin a good thing.

What if the tables were turned and your kids were able to give you feedback? Even better, what if you asked for it? One of the most empowering moments I facilitate in family counseling is giving each family member a chance to offer feedback with an exercise called Stop, Start, Continue. Here's how it sounds:

"One thing I'd like you to stop is..."
"One thing I'd like you to start is..."
"One thing I'd like you to continue is..."

This frames feedback in a respectful way that's not overwhelming. When kids know they can have a voice in the family and be heard, their relationship with you flourishes.