Today's topic on Good Company was preparing college students for potential roommate issues. See the video here.
My advice for students (and parents) is to EXPECT conflict - yes, expect it. Even if you are planning to room with your best friend. Disagreements are natural and in fact, it teaches you the skill of resolution. It's the student who falls apart at the first fight, or keeps it all inside, that gets into trouble.
I interviewed hundreds of students for my book (and talked to plenty as a college counselor). I wrote a book and a site specifically on this topic which you may find useful. You'll find it at www.myroommateisdrivingmecrazy.com.
Be sure and read my free tips on rooming with a best friend, how to live with your opposite, and questions to ask a new roommate.
If you have roommate stories (good or bad) share them here!
Take care,
Susan
2 comments:
Hi Susan! I was actually in one of your speech classes that you taught at Lakeland back in the fall of 2003. I remember you were working on this book and always asked our class to share stories with you! At the time, I was still in high school, so I had no stories, but boy do I have some good ones now! I am a senior in college and living off campus for the first time. I am living in a townhouse with 3 guys and I am the only girl. First of all, it was suppose to be 3 girls and 1 guy and then a bunch of stuff happened at the last minute and I got thrown into a huge mess. I have not had many problems living with the guys for the first month, but now things are starting to get VERY VERY BAD. I need advice and I immediately thought of you! Two of my roommates smoke...and I'm not talking about cigarettes. Well, the one has decided that he is just going to smoke inside our apartment. The other night at 10pm, he and his two cousins were blasting the tv downstairs and smoking right inside the apartment. Therefore, this smoke smell rises and goes throughout the entire apartment. I was trying to study for a test and this contiued for at least a good two hours. I could not even leave my room without gagging. My bedroom door was closed and the smell just lingered on in. I'm not a person that smokes cigarettes or more, so this really bothers me. No one is allowed to smoke in the apartment in the first place, but they do it anyways. I'm afraid to talk to them in fear that they will just continue to do this just to annoy me. At times he will go outside, but leaves the door open and the smell comes right in anyways. How can I fix this or talk to him?!?! My concern is that I am an education major and I CAN NOT be around any of this. If the cops were to come by and smell something, then I'm pretty sure our whole apartment would be in trouble? I do not get involved in any of this and can not stand it or take it anymore. Another one of my roommates feels the same way and has already said something to this person before, but he continues to smoke. How can we fix them? I need help asap please and thank you! Any advice you could give me would be amazing. P.S.-I am glad to see you are doing so well in life! :)
Thanks so much for your good wishes! It always nice to hear from a former student. Sorry to hear of your roommate struggles. You are battling two issues here: boundaries and possible substance dependence. Your smoking roommates probably will continue their habit indoors due to the illegal nature and impending cold weather. Chances of them giving it up for you are not high, especially if they are frequent smokers.
While I always encourage people to approach resolution by talking first, I also think it wise for you to have a backup plan. In other words, you need to move. It sounds like you may have another roommate who might be willing to make the move with you.
This time however, screen your roommates and their lifestyles thoroughly before committing to share a space. The more questions you ask upfront, the less trouble you'll face later.
All the best!
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