Overflow

I was honored to be the keynote speaker for this year's Caregiver Advocacy luncheon in Marietta, OH. Non-paid caregivers are usually family members who are called on to provide 24/7 care for someone whose health has declined. It can be for a spouse, parent, or ill child. It is selfless work and a story close to my heart since my father was forced into that role in 1977.

In April of that year, my mother had a massive stroke leaving her in a vegetative state. I was 12, and although I helped out, my father shouldered the brunt of the responsibility. When he vowed to stay married through, "better or worse," he meant it. The experience shaped my life and provided many lessons that I was able to share with those honored yesterday.

The hardest thing to do is to convince a caregiver to take care of him or herself. Caring for others must come from our overflow, created when we invest in those things that fill us up. The mistake is dipping into our reserves until our bucket is completely empty. It's too easy for feelings of anger and resentment to seep in. One can start thinking and acting like a victim.

The only anecdote to the empty bucket syndrome is to realize that filling yours is not selfish, but necessary! Start by engaging in those activities that give you energy. Examples include attending church, doing something creative, building, exercising, reading, socializing, gardening, cooking for fun, and journaling. Learn to PLAY again. Laughter is a sure sign that you're hitting the overflow point and can start filling the bucket of others.

Thank you to my father, Dick St.John, for the many lessons shared during his 82 years, particularly the 13 spent selflessly taking care of my mother.