A Year of Firsts

If you've suffered a loss this year, holidays or special occasions can be especially emotional since they are the first ones without your loved one. The initial loss is hard, sometimes a shock. But then the year unfolds and the impact of that person's absence becomes more concrete.

After losing my Dad in April, my year started with Father's Day, then came his birthday, Thanksgiving, and now Christmas. My year of firsts won't be completed for another six months. If you have a similar experience, here are a few tips to ease the pain:

Honor the Whole Story. When you think of the person you lost, remember their whole life, not just their death. In grief, we often limit our focus to a difficult ending rather than acknowledging better times.

Start a New Tradition. Your loved one may have been central to a holiday tradition making it painful for you to carry it out. Instead, start a new tradition that honors that person's memory, but gives you a way to move forward.

Keep Talking. It's healthy to keep talking fondly about the person you miss, noting what he or she taught you, what would make him laugh, or how she would have reacted to something. They are alive in your heart and woven into your story as long as you keep them present.

Find Community. Deep periods of grief can keep you socially isolated, afraid of getting too close to anyone and getting hurt again by loss. Protecting yourself in that way actually hurts more. All of us will suffer loss. It's possible to find great comfort knowing someone else understands our pain. Reach out to friends, church community groups, or grief support groups.

Share the Lesson. While there is sadness in loss, that's not where your story is meant to end. If your loved one was meaningful to you, then there are lessons from their passing that you're meant to learn and share. The purpose of death is to remind us how to live.

For more support, here are two resources I recommend:

Building Resiliency: 68 Coping Strategies for Surviving & Thriving During Adversity

Bouncing Forward: How to Respond Positively to Life's Challenges